Dear Don

[allegra]

Dear Don

I've been really good friends with this woman for a little over a year. A few months ago I figured out that I really liked her, more than just wanting to get into her pants. How can I tell her how I feel and get my point across without looking and sounding like just another jackass?




So you like her but aren’t man enough to tell her? I hate to break it to you, partner, but you already sound like a jackass.

That’s not so bad though. That means the pressure’s off. You’re a jackass. I thought it was just an insult until now, but you’re the real thing.

Now that you know, you don’t have to worry about it. Just go ahead and be a jackass. Ask her out. Go shopping with her at Bed, Bath and Beyond. Then take her to Frederick’s of Hollywood, make sure she gets the point. Whatever.

Sure, she’ll probably think you’re a jackass. I do. But maybe she likes that. You never know. There are tons of jackasses out there, and somehow lots of them have pretty hot women on their arms. It’s a mystery, but there it is.

So I say go for it. Stop tip-toeing around and just dive right in. That’s what I’d do. Then again, I’m not a jackass.

Don Frye

[gadgets88]

What if you just take her to bed first and get the sex issue out of the way and take your friendship to a different level?

Doesn't work that way... does it?

[allegra]

Gadgets you'll have to ask Don himself
Here's Don -





Don says you better listen

[Ben Dover]

if the guy is a bit taller and not that heavy, i wud say he looks a lot like tom selleck.

[allegra]

Dear Don: Advice from "The Predator"
06/06/2007


Scorpions coach Don Frye has beaten up more men, for more money, in more places than you can even spell. Who better to turn to for advice on life, love, and the pursuit of awesomeness? That’s why Don Frye is answering your questions. It’s his way of making the world a better (or at least a more interesting) place.

Email your questions to [e-mail]. And don’t forget that you can see Don and his Scorpions on June 16th taking on Ken Shamrock's Lions in Las Vegas, NV . Plus, tune in to MyNetworkTV’s “IFL Battleground” on Monday nights to see the video version of "Dear Don", MMA's most popular advice column.

Dear Don,

My wife’s brother was recently arrested for driving without a license, and since he has been in a lot of legal trouble the last few years and was still on probation at the time, it looks as if he is headed to jail. My wife wants us to help him out with legal fees so he can afford a decent lawyer, but frankly, I don’t see the point.

Jail may be the only thing that can straighten him out at this point, plus he’s guilty of everything he’s been accused of and I don’t think there’s a lawyer in the state who could get him off now. How do I explain this to my wife without sounding like I’m just being cheap and insensitive?




You’re wrong about one thing there, partner. A good lawyer can get anyone off, no matter how much evidence there is. Just look at O.J. It’s just a matter of whether or not you can afford that kind of lawyer, and judging from the sound of things I’m going to guess the answer is no.

So let’s be honest with each other about the situation: you don’t want to plop down cash on a lawyer for your wife’s idiot brother. Hey, I don’t blame you. Problems in your wife’s family are just that, problems in her family. Hell, I’ve got blood relatives of my own who I wouldn’t spring from the pokey. We all do.

But what you’ve got to realize is that she’s going to think you’re cheap and insensitive no matter what you say. There’s just no way to phrase it so it sounds good. Any way you put it, what she’s going to hear is, ‘I don’t care if your whole family gets put in the sneezer, I’m keeping my money.’

Face it, she’s going to get mad. Just prepare yourself.

If you say jail is probably the best thing for this guy, I’m willing to believe you. Your wife, on the other hand, isn’t going to want to hear that. All you can do is stick to your guns and be ready to duck when she starts throwing things at you. You may be in the doghouse for a couple of days, but it’s better than where her brother will be.

At least you’ll still have money in the bank when the storm clears. There may come a point when your wife – and even her brother – will be glad you made the choice you did, but don’t plan on it.




Dear Don,

What is the best snack food to eat while watching mma on tv? I really like nachos and salsa, but by the time the show is over, I usually have a salsa stain on my shirt.

On the other hand, salt and vinegar chips are pretty good, but there are always so many crumbs in the cushions and everywhere.

I will follow whatever advice you give me.




You’ll follow whatever advice I give you, huh? I like that in a person. I guess I could take advantage of that and really have some fun at your expense, but I won’t.

When it comes to any dilemma regarding what you should eat, all you have to remember is this: nobody ever regretted having themselves a nice, big steak. Seriously, when’s the last time you heard someone say, ‘Man, I wish I would have ordered the mixed greens salad instead of that Porterhouse.’ Just doesn’t happen.

Steak is the world’s most perfect food. Why wouldn’t you eat it while watching the world’s most perfect sport? Grill yourself a steak, wash it down with a cold beer, and sit back and enjoy the fights. You can thank me later.



Dear Don,

I sleep too much. Do you have any pointers to help me wake up earlier or take fewer naps?




Well, partner, I guess the first issue here is figuring out how much sleep is “too much”. When you add it all up, what are we talking about here – fourteen, fifteen hours a day? I can’t tell you what too much is for you, because it’s different for everyone.

Take a lion, for example. He’ll wake up and eat for two hours, mate for two hours, then sleep for the other twenty. Nothing wrong with that if you’re a lion, but if you’re a human being…actually, if you can get away with it then you might as well.

But if you want to get up earlier, try making yourself really tired at the gym and then going to bed earlier. Also, make sure you have something worth waking up for. It’s easy to stay in bed and sleep if that’s the only good thing about your day. But if there’s something you want to go and do, then you’ll naturally get up and get after it.

As for naps, just make sure you know the difference between closing your eyes for fifteen minutes, and passing out in front of "Wheel of Fortune" with a bunch of empty Coors cans spread all over the floor.

And quit being so d@mn lazy. Get off your keyster and clean up the place. It looks terrible.



Got a question? Email it to [e-mail] and check back regularly for updates. Keep in mind that questions may be edited for length and content, and the same goes for Don's answers.

[allegra]

Dear Don,

Valentine's Day is coming up, and this is the first one with my girl. I'm not a real romantic guy and I know she expects something special, besides some half-dead flowers and an overpriced meal, so do you have any ideas/tricks I can use to please my lady and get me some booty this Valentine's?



Here’s what you do. Obviously, you’ve got a computer, so go on the internet and find a place that sells really nice wine. Next, print off a picture of the one the fancy bottles of wine, one of the real expensive ones. Then glue it on top of a cheap bottle.

You see, women like expensive stuff because it means you care enough to spend your dough. My guess is she wouldn’t know a cheap bottle of wine from an expensive one anymore than she’d know a wristlock from a wrist watch. So let her think it cost you a bundle. It’s still got alcohol in it, right?

Once that’s done, do the same thing with a box of chocolates. She’ll like that.

When she comes over to your house you give her the wine and the chocolates. Watch how excited she gets. Once she’s in a good mood you give her two choices: either go out to a strip club or stay in and some watch some fights.

Either way, it should be a pretty good night.



Dear Don,
My roommate won't do the dishes. I even started eating off of paper plates, but the sink is foul and full of rotten food and our house smells like the dump on the Fourth of July. How do I get this guy to do the dishes?



Aw, hell. That’s not so tough. You just got to find a way to let the guy know that it’s bothering you. They call that “open communication”.

What I’d do is take all those dirty dishes out of the sink and put them in his bed. Not on top of the bed, either. I’m talking about down under the covers. Get a few on his pillow too, what the hell. Then pull the covers over the top of them and wait for him to come home. He’ll get the message.

If he doesn’t, then you’ve got some real problems on your hands.



Dear Don,

I'm a 24 year-old engineering student from La Jolla, Calif. There's a girl in my lab that I really like, but she doesn't know I exist. What should I do?



That is a tough one. Let’s see, what did I used to do to get a woman to notice me…I know, have you tried telling her about the time you and Takayama beat the hell out of each other? I’m just messing with you, partner.

But you’re an engineering student. You’re supposed to be the smart one here, so act like it.

The good news is you two have the same interests. You’re both students, so why don’t you invite her to a group study session down at the local watering hole? You know, get together and talk about the big test or whatever it is you guys do.

When she shows up and it’s just you there, you buy her a couple of drinks while you wait for the other people to show up. Remember, alcohol never hurt anyone’s chances. By the time she realizes there isn’t anyone else coming, the two of you have already had some drinks and some laughs together, so who cares? You just keep right on going.

If you play your cards right, you may even get to do some engineering of your own.



Dear Don,
After thirteen up-and-down years of marriage, my wife and I have decided to split up. I'm not too upset about it and neither is she, but recently she's taken up with a much younger man. We're separated but the divorce hasn't finalized yet and so technically we're still married.

When I saw my wife with this guy, I was suddenly, unexpectedly jealous. I want her to move on and live her own life but knowing this punk is stepping out with my wife makes me nuts. What should I do?



Let me ask you a question. You’re a man right? I mean, biologically and all that, you’ve got the necessary parts? Good, glad to hear it.

Now start acting like it.

A man has got to have some dignity. You got rid of her for a reason, didn’t you? I’m guessing part of that reason is that you don’t want her anymore. So why should you care if she’s out with some jerk? You wouldn’t want her now that she’s been giving it away to him, would you? Of course not. It’s like tainted meat.

Besides, you know how many other women there are out there? I can’t put my finger on a number, but it’s a lot. So stop whining. That isn’t what a man does. A man would go out and find another woman - one even younger than that guy his wife is dating, if he really wants to make a point.

Then again, maybe you’d rather stay home and feel sorry for yourself while some guy’s whooping it up with your wife. If that’s the case, then there's nothing I can say to fix the kind of troubles you got.

Got a question? Email it to [e-mail] and check back for your answer. Questions may be edited for length and content, and the same goes for Don’s replies.

[allegra]

Dear Don,

I’m a forty-three-year-old man with two girls. My oldest daughter just turned fifteen. Maybe I haven’t noticed until now, but she seems to have really, um, filled out recently. She looks more like a woman every day, and even older guys are starting to notice.

This makes me uncomfortable, and I don’t know what to tell her about how to deal with men. What should I do?



Hey partner , if you’re looking at your own daughter in the way that makes you notice how she’s “filled out”, you should be uncomfortable. What’s the matter with you? Nevermind, I don’t really want to know.

Look, if you want to know what you should tell your daughter about men, that’s easy. Just tell her she should be glad she’s a woman. Men are simple. They only want one thing, so all she has to do is keep in mind that no matter what they say or do, they’re after that one thing.


Women, on the other hand, are far more complicated. They don’t want one thing. They want one thing now and something else in ten minutes. They want security and they want excitement. They want to change you and then they hate you for having changed. That’s basically how it goes for the rest of your life.

So tell your daughter not to worry. She can deal with men pretty easily if she just remembers what they’re after. And tell her it could be worse: she could be a fifteen-year-old boy trying to figure out how to deal with women. What a disaster that is.



Dear Don,

I’m working on building lean muscle and burning extra fat, but it’s tough. I don’t mind exercising and weightlifting but I love to eat. What should I eat to help me get in shape that doesn’t taste like @#$%?



I’m a firm believer that you shouldn’t have to starve yourself or eat a bunch of hippie health food to get in good shape. I see these people running around eating wheat germ and taking vitamins three or four times a day, and it just confuses the hell out of me.

You know what I do instead of vitamins? I take a steak three or four times a day. Then I wash it down with a beer, maybe some tequila for dessert. Keeps me going strong. So get in the gym and do some work, then eat yourself a big steak and see if you don't feel like a million bucks.




Dear Don,

I get a 401K at my new job. I’m putting 6% into it from each paycheck, and my company is matching that. But I’ve been getting a lot of conflicting advice about how to invest the money so that I’ll get the most out of it when I retire.

My Dad’s telling me that I should put it all in high-risk stocks because I’m still in my 20’s. But some of my co-workers say that’s dangerous and I should diversify so some of my money is secure in safer, but less exciting places. What do you think?



Well, since it’s your money we’re talking about, I say you go high risk. That’s what I usually do. Roll the dice and see what happens. You can’t sit around thinking about all the bad things that might happen. You might save all that money and then die before you can ever spend it. That’d be a sad little joke on you, wouldn’t it?

But if you really want to put your money in safe place that’s also high risk, invest in a company like Haliburton or something. The guys who are ripping everyone off always do well, except you’ve got to get your money out of there before they go belly-up and split for Jamaica, where your retirement fund will end up getting tucked into some cabana boy’s G-string.

Don’t think it can’t happen, partner.

Got a question for Don Frye? Send it to [e-mail]. Questions may be edited for length and content, and the same goes for Don's answers. Check back regularly for new installments, and Don may yet salvage the sad wreckage of your life.

[allegra]

www.ifl.tv/News-07Aug15-Dear-Don-11.html

Dear Don,

I’m a twenty-four-year-old woman and it seems like I have the worst luck in meeting eligible men. Every guy I meet is either gay or taken. How can I tell the gay and/or attached men from the straight available ones, and where can I go to find these heterosexual, eligible bachelors?

When you say you can’t tell whether or not a man you’re interested in is gay, that says to me that you’re one of two things. Either you’re too dumb to know that any man prettier than you is probably batting for the other team, or else you’re too desperate to care. Either way, it’s a problem.

Here’s an idea to help you figure it out: go and talk to these guys. If they seem interested in you, they’re probably straight. If they seem interested in where you got your shoes, probably not.

It’s the same when it comes to married men. Ask yourself a series of questions before you get all worked up. Questions like, is he wearing a wedding ring? Is he wearing clothes he obviously didn’t pick out? Is he trying to avoid going home?

If the answer to any of those is yes, then chances are he’s married. You have to realize that at a certain age, most of the good ones are going to be taken. If someone is forty-five and single there’s probably a good reason.

I can see how all this might get confusing for you, but I have a way you can eliminate some of the guess work. Call up a divorce lawyer and ask him for his client list. Sure, it’s unethical for him to give it to you, but he’s a divorce attorney. What does he know about ethics? Just give him a little cash and he’ll go along with it. That way you know going in that these guys are single and straight.

That is, unless the reason they got divorced was so they could date men, or so they could date the woman they were cheating on their wife with.

Hell, even I’m confused now. Just go hang out a strip club and wait for someone to buy you a drink.