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Post by Ben Dover on Sept 5, 2007 12:46:39 GMT 8
i caught my wife lecturing my 5 yr old son about his money (baon) he gave his classmate in kinder class...in defense of her brother my 10 yr old daughter told her mom "bakit masama ba magbigay?" my son is known for sharing his food to his classmates and he usually get praises from us for doing that but its getting evident that there's some potential problem with it. my wife is very protective and never let my kids play outside without banday..my kids are not street smart. i will appreciate very much your opinions.
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Post by Lui-G on Sept 5, 2007 13:42:36 GMT 8
Same problem here sir. My 5-year old son also shares his "baon" with classmates, sometimes, even to a point where nothing is left for him to eat because he shared just everything. I guess it's a matter of explaining to them how the world works, meaning, giving is a good thing, but giving too much is a different story. Even with toys, he knows how to share it with playmates though there are some that is exclusively for his playing only, I guess you know what I mean. Things like these are hard to explain, specially to kids at a very young age, like ours. I just hope I'm doing the right thing. Besides, we parents know what's best for our children.
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Post by Ben Dover on Sept 5, 2007 14:30:10 GMT 8
exactly lui-g, actually i'm just getting a little doubtful of our (me and my wife's) method...when it comes to our kids i feel that we just cant afford to make a mistake at the expense of their future.
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Post by gadgets88 on Sept 5, 2007 15:32:41 GMT 8
My girl often gives her baon away while my boy takes the baon of others.
2 different scenarios in my family. I have not concocted any lecture to deal with them. No idea...
The other day, my girl told me: "Daddy, I forgot to eat my morning and afternoon snacks."
I told her "it's important to eat your snacks because you need food to grow up healthy."
Then she recounted how a classmate who lost his test paper and my girl had to bring him to the Lost and Found department and by the time she got back, recess time was over.
I told her... "The things we were studying in scouting about helping others, you're really a good girl aren't you?" And I can't help but feel proud. Still haven't dealt with the snack problem. Either she gives them away or find an excuse not eating them. What to say I don't know.
FYI, the Milo/Yamoo/whatever milk and cookies they bring is their own choosing when shopping in Unimart.
So there...
I believe there are just 3 different kinds of people. Some are plain street-smart and some are textbook geniuses and some are somewhere-in-between.
We strive to teach them as much as we can, but we have to basically understand their very nature and just support them as much as we know how.
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Post by BrusKO on Sept 5, 2007 16:07:10 GMT 8
Ayaw niyo yun? At least they will learn to give... and diet.
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Post by jr on Sept 5, 2007 21:55:54 GMT 8
Is a stage..my kids used to do that but they changed. Just always advice him. As a parent is our responsibility to guide them to walk on right direction.
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Post by allegra on Sept 5, 2007 23:03:12 GMT 8
Good question My oldest would get lost in a grocery store , she's like a big 5'7 baby Doesnt know how to ride a jeep , cant cross a busy road , slow motion kumilos though magaling sa academics,generous, thoughtful very low on the street smart iq
My second daughter ( 13 ) likes hanging from the back of jeepneys Wants her own car , calls waiters w/ a loud pssssst , willing to travel abroad alone Very tough and adventurous and she learned all this on her own
It's in their personality
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Post by whoopi on Sept 6, 2007 12:36:44 GMT 8
LAMOK, you ask tough questions i have a 4-year-old nephew who lives with my parents and me during schooldays, and returns home to my brother and sister-in-law during weekends. i love him but i'm glad he's not mine because i'll be terrified of making a mistake in raising him. i marvel at the courage of parents like you. anyway, if you care to hear the view of someone who's just admitted to being happy without kids ;D, here it is: i think, you know, you can tell your son the truth as you see it. "anak, there are bad people out there. if they hurt you, hit them back and then run to me." *joke lang* seriously, "anak, it's good to give. there are people who will try to take advantage of you, but when you have to decide between giving or not giving, it's generally a good rule to bet on giving. generally, lang ha. sometimes that is not the case. if it feels wrong, don't do it. if you made the wrong choice, it's okay. you'll get better at choosing next time." but parents are not the child's only teacher. the world will give them more teachers, for it is a bigger place than the home, and they'll spend more of their lives in the world than at home. you can only try to speak your truth to them and hope for the best. they may grow up not sharing your values, not believing the things you taught them about god, mocking your politics, etc. you can't stop it unless you lock them up in a room for the rest of their lives. you can only speak your truth and hope for the best.
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Post by Ben Dover on Sept 6, 2007 14:16:47 GMT 8
thank you very much peeps for taking time to give your opinions regarding a parent's dilemma...specially to brusko..that was very enlightening whoopi, pastor asks the tougher questions..that got me thinking for almost two days ha.. bwahaha! ;D anyway, i think most of the time we already know the answers to many of our questions...but sometimes it makes a lot of difference if you hear the affirmation from other people...like magic, it is somehow very comforting. re: having children, honestly, i think you will make a better parent than i...yes, it comes with great responsibility, but whats new? you've been responsible naman ever since di ba?...sometimes i find it ironic how the more responsible people want lesser number of children noh? while the *beep!* are breeding like *beep!* thats sad..oh well ...btw, dont you know that people with children generally live longer than people without? or something like that ;D
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Post by Ben Dover on Sept 6, 2007 14:29:06 GMT 8
lui-g, gadgets, jr, allegra, i guess you are all right...and there's just no amount of teaching or advice can "really" prepare them for the real world..some (most?) of them they have to learn and experience themselves...we cannot shield them from all the pains...and even if it is possible, it wont do them any good... i guess. be strong tolits! ;D
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Post by whoopi on Sept 6, 2007 14:29:42 GMT 8
LAMOK, yes, i think joel enjoys torturing people with riddles. i was surprised to note though that you're the only one who suggested an "imaginative" answer. ;D
you're right you know, funny how we know the answers but want to hear it from other people anyway. ever notice how much easier it is to dispense answers to other people's questions, but not our own?
really, people with children live longer? why is that, i wonder? is it because having children gives you more will to live? heck, i smoke, so it doesn't matter. ;D
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Post by enzo on Sept 6, 2007 14:53:43 GMT 8
Tolits, I have the same question inside of me and sometimes my wife says that Im into illegal substance that cause paranoia. Is it me?or Im having flashbacks? Such questions was only answered when my Mom said,"Two kids and you're panicking already" I raised all 8 of you. Ever wonder or worry excessively about almost anything? My Mom just let me out and got used to me coming home bloodied and scarred when I was young. She is jaded or conditioned to these things already after having so many kids.(Im second to the youngest) My son inherited my go get em atittude and extreme behaviour. Sometimes it scares me alot and thought of the times my Mom brought me or get me out of the hospital. I dont know how she handled it so well and here I am with 2 kids only worrying alot. M y kids are enrolled there now in the Phils. and I wasnt around on their first day in school. Worrying too much coz they came from a different Intl school here. I felt they will be alienated and will hide in their shell and be silent. Guess what? 20 minutes in the class my 4 year old son went to her teacher and said "Teacher Im hungry, I want to eat" The teacher said he must wait 40 minutes more to have his food, and he replied " Please call my Mom if you dont want to give me food I cannot wait that long" I guess that answered all my question.
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Post by Ben Dover on Sept 6, 2007 14:55:42 GMT 8
really, people with children live longer? why is that, i wonder? is it because having children gives you more will to live? heck, i smoke, so it doesn't matter. ;D i'm not sure...maybe so that you suffer longer? ;D
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Post by g.b.b on Sept 6, 2007 15:20:11 GMT 8
Lamok i have a question for you? how are you as a father to your children? i mean, do you treat them as your "barkada' when your spending time or you let them grow with their yaya or their mom most of the time? do you give attention or you let your spouse discipline them?
my input here is like these:
the good thing about sending our children to school is basically to learn and have good manners.
.........but in reality it's not simple as learning new things alone coz, we, as a parent "technically" knows that we can teach our children whatever they want to learn... tama diba???...... BUT most of us, parents, doesn't know, the real reason why we're paying them high is bcoz, they can teach our children how to develop themselves in terms of facing the people around them, how to develop being dominant or not and if they can be leaders or just simply followers.........
as for your 5 year old kid....... baka naman he is mapagbigay/ kind by heart that he learned or saw it in you or you wife or their grandparents........ but with proper guidance and care i know your 5year old is just doing fine........ try to give him just food as baon and not money for a week and try to ask what did he gave his classmate after not having money.........
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Post by kulot_salot on Sept 6, 2007 15:50:56 GMT 8
hmmm... it's not like the GBB i know... are you really GBB? baka impostora ka! you're too serious for me to handle... heheheheh.... ;D feace fafa!!! ;D
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Post by g.b.b on Sept 6, 2007 16:10:14 GMT 8
coz i've got a good wife....... change is good but upgrade is better hahahaha yari ka!!!!!!!!
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trance03
All-Mountain Rider
SockMan
Posts: 150
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Post by trance03 on Sept 6, 2007 16:29:56 GMT 8
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Post by Ben Dover on Sept 6, 2007 16:42:55 GMT 8
enzo, i remember when i was still a kid...coming from a relatively peaceful neigborhood in san juan, protected not only by our parents but also lots of relatives, we transferred to a slum area in panay ave quezon city...on our first day (i was 4-5 yrs old then) , me and my siblings wandered around the place to check it out..only to be chased back to our house by a kid about my age holding a knife..the kid apparently got irritated by our curious stares. i thought boy, this place is something...i adapted well, in less than a month me and my new found friend busted some kid's nose...it was so severe, blood was all over the kids face and shirt...me and my friend spent the entire day hiding nakadapa under the dark neighbor's "silong" less than a foot high to escape being " jailed " ;D...we stole kamatis and saging na saba from their sari sari store like pros and ate them raw..i was crossing quezon ave back and fort playing patentero with vehicles so i could collect ice drop wrappers along the road to exchange for some magnolia promo toys...picking up (stealing?) excess rebars from contruction sites to sell to junkshops..we were roaming almost half of QC on foot...me and my sister almost got hit by a speeding mustang..the guy braked so hard that he stalled the engine...when we left he's still in the middle of the road..lots of similar stories and all that before i went to school in grade 1...i learned hand to hand combat before i even learn to write my own name. i wouldnt say those experiences turned me to a bad person..i turned quite ok naman ;D now the question is, am i going to expose my kids to the same experiences? my answer is, hell no! no way! then how are they going to learn things like these? is it possible for them to grow up quite well and prepared without experiencing or knowing these things? naisip ko lang coz of the way i grew up...di maiwasang i-compare.
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Post by Ben Dover on Sept 6, 2007 16:58:01 GMT 8
GBB, if you are always like this? i will love you man for the rest of ur life hehe! we actually have no problem with him giving away something to his friends and classmates coz that's how we trained him...i think kids without intervention are normally madamot..its their survival instinct...i was just thinking that maybe, just maybe, it is much better if we teach our kids some negative things about the world...that not all people are like their mom and dad...that some people will take advantage of you..that not all people tell the truth...that some people are better off dead etc etc.
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Post by g.b.b on Sept 6, 2007 17:20:38 GMT 8
let them survive with your teaching....... to tell you honestly...... the last time i had a fist fight was in 12years old and that time i lost and had a black eye and my dad instead of giving me comfort he scolded me, that's why im really careful of picking a fight or rather i just go away if someone wants to pick a fight...... i've never experience being mug by gang or some sorth..... maybe its becoz im not really brought up a good fist fighter or not a fight starter.... so.... there.....
but kids nowadays are too aggressive in everyway, it's really a "generation x" now....... some of old or should i say veterans dont understand how kids easily adapt what they see in TV, movies, telenovela, and what ever form of entertainment......
what im trying to say is, be sure your always beside your children when they're growing up coz time is running very fast.......... cherish every moment........ just like what radical "bobet" is doing to his child, bringing along the trails and do the same stuff that he likes doing.........
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Post by allegra on Sept 6, 2007 20:13:51 GMT 8
i wouldnt say those experiences turned me to a bad person..i turned quite ok naman ;D now the question is, am i going to expose my kids to the same experiences? my answer is, hell no! no way! then how are they going to learn things like these? is it possible for them to grow up quite well and prepared without experiencing or knowing these things? naisip ko lang coz of the way i grew up...di maiwasang i-compare. Make them watch TV patrol Besides the media , their friends are the ones you have to watch out for These 2 are even bigger influnces than parents My kids are a little older I try not to tell them what to do I just show them the options , tell ( convince )what I think is the best and let them decide ( kunyari ) It pays being a psychologist
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Post by enzo on Sept 7, 2007 1:06:08 GMT 8
enzo, i remember when i was still a kid...coming from a relatively peaceful neigborhood in san juan, protected not only by our parents but also lots of relatives, we transferred to a slum area in panay ave quezon city...on our first day (i was 4-5 yrs old then) , me and my siblings wandered around the place to check it out..only to be chased back to our house by a kid about my age holding a knife..the kid apparently got irritated by our curious stares. i thought boy, this place is something...i adapted well, in less than a month me and my new found friend busted some kid's nose...it was so severe, blood was all over the kids face and shirt...me and my friend spent the entire day hiding nakadapa under the dark neighbor's "silong" less than a foot high to escape being " jailed " ;D...we stole kamatis and saging na saba from their sari sari store like pros and ate them raw..i was crossing quezon ave back and fort playing patentero with vehicles so i could collect ice drop wrappers along the road to exchange for some magnolia promo toys...picking up (stealing?) excess rebars from contruction sites to sell to junkshops..we were roaming almost half of QC on foot...me and my sister almost got hit by a speeding mustang..the guy braked so hard that he stalled the engine...when we left he's still in the middle of the road..lots of similar stories and all that before i went to school in grade 1...i learned hand to hand combat before i even learn to write my own name. i wouldnt say those experiences turned me to a bad person..i turned quite ok naman ;D now the question is, am i going to expose my kids to the same experiences? my answer is, hell no! no way! then how are they going to learn things like these? is it possible for them to grow up quite well and prepared without experiencing or knowing these things? naisip ko lang coz of the way i grew up...di maiwasang i-compare. Same here Tolits, I wouldnt dare let my kids alone in the pool for a nano second and to think that we used to swim across Pasig river trying to beat the barge passing by. I passed out a couple of times (concussion) and end up in the hospital for a long time, broken so many bones, crashed big time on motorcycles, but even If we know how great the medical world now, I, just like you, still dont want my child to, or afraid of this things to happen to them. But I dont want them to stop experiencing the real world too. Maybe when their old enough and on their own, we'll be more confident or assured that they will be okay. I know how each and everyone feel about their kids, Just shows how much we love our children.
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Post by gadgets88 on Sept 8, 2007 8:43:11 GMT 8
Why is it that the more things we went through growing up, when we have children, we more we want shield them from those painful experiences?
When it is exactly those experiences that transformed us, built our character and made us stronger/wiser/more experienced than others!
Delaying the experience and shielding the kids from the real world will only hurt them in the long run.
Like my kids are not allowed to walk to school, their mom insist that a tricycle or the car bring them. "Don't let them walk too far under the scorching sun!" "They are tired!" "Kawawa naman! " (Pity!)
Makes me wonder HOW will my kids grow up to become triathlons, when they are growing up soft, from all the pampering they get from their mommy?
How?
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Post by allegra on Sept 8, 2007 18:35:12 GMT 8
It's a dangerous world out there It's not safe for a child anymore
Involve him in sports That way he learns discipline , mental toughness , value of hardwork , stress of competition,thrill of victory, agony of defeat etc Sports is life , only safer
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Post by nell7806 on Sept 8, 2007 22:54:00 GMT 8
3 days ago my son has turned 1... I can't help but wonder for those years... living within a simple and typical family, my mother stays at home and do what a good wife would and my old man as a provider for a family of five... being blessed by a very loving mother and a hard working father... this became a portrait of whats parent's are to/for me...
as the youngest of three and the only boy, people around me always try to give away comments both good and bad... as years past and I'm starting to do more than baby steps on the so called world outside, I lacked and missed the very image of what a father is to his son, this is due to my Tatay's very hectic schedule for work (he was a good Lightman and Cameramen who worked for the early years of RTVM and when RPN was on it's glory years). Even though hes just working locally, it's like having a father working for another country because the only time that we could be together was mostly on holy week's and on super rare occasions that they are no longer required to report for work... because of it my Nanay is the one who give me such words of advice on this and on that, so on and so forth, which is I think better if my father would fill that...
On the times I'm starting to think more deeper and ask questions that require deeper wisdom, I had nothing to turn to because I have a very busy father away working even on times that most of the people are sleeping, I can not turn to my mother because I know I should ask it to him...
there is this thing that we all call "COMFORT ZONE"...were only a very few individuals would prefer to venture outside... Knowing myself as sort of a radical person, I have learned to step out into the wild (in an unorthodox way) and enjoy everything but with limitations and precautions... From experience which also taught me about realization, this world outside stuff is just a matter of choice...
for sure, you are spending enough time with your kids... a hen protect her chicks by covering them with her wings, I just think you should try to discuss the said manner to your beloved wife regarding the "very protective" state and be a little loose...
(actually sir your making my mind bleed right now with your very hard question)... at this moment...I just want to accept the fact that my son will be different on how he would accept things in life as he grows, Ill just be a simple guiding hand for him to immediately hold on to as soon as he would feel the need to catch something just to break his fall... we learn from experiences, this also teaches us to stand up again... pain and defeat also teaches us how sweet "being a" is...
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Post by nell7806 on Sept 10, 2007 8:56:25 GMT 8
Either sir... pain and defeat also reminds us that like others we are also vulnerable...
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3d3r
All-Mountain Rider
My bike is just a tool... I 'am the weapon
Posts: 193
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Post by 3d3r on Sept 10, 2007 10:09:17 GMT 8
Greatest Love Of All I believe the children are our future Teach them well and let them lead the way Show them all the beauty they possess inside Give them a sense of pride to make it easier Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be Everybody's searching for a hero People need someone to look up to I never found anyone to fulfill my needs A lonely place to be So I learned to depend on me
I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadow If I fail, if I succeed At least I'll live as I believe No matter what they take from me They can't take away my dignity Because the greatest love of all Is happening to me I found the greatest love of all Inside of me The greatest love of all Is easy to achieve Learning to love yourself It is the greatest love of all
I believe the children are our future Teach them well and let them lead the way Show them all the beauty they possess inside Give them a sense of pride to make it easier Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be
And if by chance, that special place That you've been dreaming of Leads you to a lonely place Find your strength in love
Our children is like a piggy bank (alkansya) it will not going to have something, unless we put something in it. If you let them on the street they will learn it from the street. Remember that a child educated at school is not educated at all.
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Post by Ben Dover on Sept 10, 2007 10:29:10 GMT 8
that's a nice song 3d3r...nice of you to remind us of that song..i guess radio stations dont play it anymore that often.
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donfacundo
Free Rider
palimos ng pambili ng frame
Posts: 398
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Post by donfacundo on Sept 10, 2007 12:06:59 GMT 8
we used to sing that song in one of our school activities in grade4... that was 16 years ago...
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oceanrider88
Free Rider
Life is like riding a wave. To keep your balance you must keep moving.
Posts: 299
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Post by oceanrider88 on Sept 10, 2007 13:49:03 GMT 8
Man i hate that song.... sorry no offense ... hehe .. sang it too many times in school before ...
I have a very rich friend who has 3 kids in Poveda - 2 are in high school - the fourth one is in British School Manila. She does not give them any money at all for lunch. Instead she packs lunch with different viands for all of them and enough snacks for her daughters and friends for recess, merienda and after school get togethers. The kids ended up sharing and became really popular in their class for their generosity. They also learned to rely on what they had and they grew up without a "bilmoko" attitude. They were also very humble. These kids are so simple you wouldn't even think that they are so rich. They own several food factories by the way.
When i was in Southridge, the school advised parents not to give money to the kids - these were all very wealthy parents. My classmates brought their baon and had food chits with them. The idea of materialism that money brought did not take deep root in them. Many of my classmates now handle their family's multi-million peso businesses and it is common for us to put money aside in lieu of friendship.
Nothing wrong with sharing. Nothing wrong with sharing money. If you dont want them to share money then dont give them money. You cannot teach the golden value of sharing if you restrict it at a young age. Do not confuse them or make them feel bad about their good deeds. If you teach them about money at a young age and misinterpret it, they may steal money. Dont worry, the concept of money will form in their minds when they grow up - that is the job of the school. Dont rush it. Children arent supposed to carry money anyway. Did you ever hear parables from the bible about children holding on to money or about Jesus carrying money when he was a child? Kids with money are a modern concept. It is not a necessary evil at an early age but may become a social problem while they are growing up.
Your children will become what you expose them to. Always remember that.
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