Post by sabretooth on Jun 8, 2005 9:04:00 GMT 8
ONLY IN THE MOVIES
Message: 1. It is always possible to find a parking spot
directly outside or opposite the building you are
visiting.
2. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet
as you take out a note. Just grab one out at
random and hand it over. It will always be the exact
fare.
3. Television news bulletins usually contain a story
that affects you personally at the precise moment
it's aired.
4. It is not necessary to say "hello" or "goodbye"
when beginning a telephone conversation.
5. Any lock can be picked with a credit card or
paperclip in seconds. UNLESS it's the door to a
burning building with a child inside.
6. The ventilation system of any building is the
perfect hiding place. Nobody will ever think of
looking for you in there and you can travel to any
other part of the building undetected.
7. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing
devices with large red digital displays so you know
exactly when they are going to explode.
8. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a
German officer, it will not be necessary to learn to
speak German. Simply speaking English with a
German accent will do.
9. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off. Even
while scuba diving.
10. You can always find a chainsaw when you
need one.
11. Any lespu officer about to retire from the force
will more often than not die on their last day
(especially if their family have planned a party).
12. Getaway cars never start first go.
13. But all cop cars do. (They will also slide to a
dramatic stop in the midst of a crime scene).
14. On a lespu stake-out, the action will only ever
take place when food is being consumed and
scalding hot coffees are perched precariously on
the dashboard . . .
15. All grocery shopping involves the purchase of
French loaves which will be placed in open brown
paper bags (Caveat: when said bags break, only
fruit will spill out).
16. Cars never need fuel (unless they're involved in
a pursuit).
17. In Middle America, all gas station attendants
have red handkerchiefs hanging out of their back
pockets.
18. If a microphone is turned on it will immediately
feedback.
19. Trucks use their horns at random.
20. All teen house parties have one of every
stereotypical subculture present (even people who
aren't liked and would never get invited to parties).
FOOTNOTE: Time travel is obviously a ridiculous
and far-fetched concept, therefore no serious
analysis of its use as a plot
Message: 1. It is always possible to find a parking spot
directly outside or opposite the building you are
visiting.
2. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet
as you take out a note. Just grab one out at
random and hand it over. It will always be the exact
fare.
3. Television news bulletins usually contain a story
that affects you personally at the precise moment
it's aired.
4. It is not necessary to say "hello" or "goodbye"
when beginning a telephone conversation.
5. Any lock can be picked with a credit card or
paperclip in seconds. UNLESS it's the door to a
burning building with a child inside.
6. The ventilation system of any building is the
perfect hiding place. Nobody will ever think of
looking for you in there and you can travel to any
other part of the building undetected.
7. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing
devices with large red digital displays so you know
exactly when they are going to explode.
8. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a
German officer, it will not be necessary to learn to
speak German. Simply speaking English with a
German accent will do.
9. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off. Even
while scuba diving.
10. You can always find a chainsaw when you
need one.
11. Any lespu officer about to retire from the force
will more often than not die on their last day
(especially if their family have planned a party).
12. Getaway cars never start first go.
13. But all cop cars do. (They will also slide to a
dramatic stop in the midst of a crime scene).
14. On a lespu stake-out, the action will only ever
take place when food is being consumed and
scalding hot coffees are perched precariously on
the dashboard . . .
15. All grocery shopping involves the purchase of
French loaves which will be placed in open brown
paper bags (Caveat: when said bags break, only
fruit will spill out).
16. Cars never need fuel (unless they're involved in
a pursuit).
17. In Middle America, all gas station attendants
have red handkerchiefs hanging out of their back
pockets.
18. If a microphone is turned on it will immediately
feedback.
19. Trucks use their horns at random.
20. All teen house parties have one of every
stereotypical subculture present (even people who
aren't liked and would never get invited to parties).
FOOTNOTE: Time travel is obviously a ridiculous
and far-fetched concept, therefore no serious
analysis of its use as a plot